Thursday, September 25, 2008

50 would die for 17???

Hi...I'm 50 years old and for the last 13 months have been seeing a young 17 year old girl. I don't know how it happened but we just fell in love. I don't know what's on her mind now but she seems to forget I am around. She says she loves me and wants me, but I know she's seeing someone else, I can prove it. But I don't want to lose her. I am madly in love with her like I have never loved anyone before. I love her enough to die for her. It may end up that way if I lose her. It has been the happiest year of my entire life. I don't know what to do any more!!!

Dear Dave,
Loving someone desperately keeps you on an emotional roller-coaster, doesn't it? The highs, the lows, the feeling that without her you are incomplete and have nothing to live for just make you want to cling on tighter. Passionate and involving it may be - but is it healthy?? Being willing to die for someone is no sign of good love. It would ruin her life as well as yours and would accomplish nothing. Loving someone means you want the best for them, and how could your death be good for her? Being willing to live is much better for you and for this girl you say you love.

Take the honey and leave the vinegar. In other words, cherish the wonderful memories you have. Use them as signs that you've learned to love more deeply than ever before, be happier than you could before, signs that you're lovable, worthwhile and fun. Spend time with her while she's willing, but at other times be up for investing in yourself. Make new friends, take up new interests, find ways of nurturing yourself. Because now you can love more deeply and build greater intimacy, you can increasingly use those skills with people who are available to you practically and emotionally, people who are at a similar stage in life and have similar interests and goals. As you widen your life and date around, you'll weed out people who don't want what you want or can't love in ways you like.

Because you know already that this girl has one foot outside the relationship. Trying to force her to stay would only damage what you've had. You are lovable.
Take care of yourself. Good luck.

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